ARCHIVE: The Eastern European Trifecta (Spring 2006)

Budapest: A Tale of Twin Cities
greetings from budapest. i apologize in advance if there are numerous typos, a lack of contractions, and minimal punctuation--i do not mean to be monotone or like i am on downers or something. the keyboard here is not for english speakers and i cannot even figure out if there is a SHIFT key. caps lock yes, shift, no. and shit, the number keys häve four options and i do not know how to work that...

so budapest was grand. i will confess that i had very high expectations and was slightly disappointed. it reminded me of munich. i was expecting something a little more exotic, less european, i guess. however, i have a soft spot in my heart for any two cities divided by a river, since, as most of you know, and those of you who do not--shame on you, i am from the Twin Cities, which is divided by the mississippi. not quite as cool as budapest though. so, let me tell you what we've done so far:

DAY 1: we arrived. whew. we just walked around near our hotel--which was conveniently located--to orient ourselves, ate some goulash. YUM. i could eat that everyday. oh wait, i did eat that everyday... crossed the bridge over the danube river to the buda side. we were staying in pest. and then, because i had some sort of messed up jet lag, i went to bed really early. like 2pm EST. i guess staying out late two nights before heading to europe is the way to beat jet lag?

DAY 2: back to buda. we were up at castle hill checking out st. matyas church and the fisherman's bastion which overlooks the danube from the cliffs above. fantastic view of pest. we also hit up the national museum. all hungarian art. not so great. after about 4 hours of walking around we went to the Gellert Hotel to soak in the thermal baths. i do not know how long these people can soak in hot water, but about 35 minutes is my limit. i no likey being pruney. some other euro tourist with WAY too much make-up on came up next to me in the baths and asked me what the point of soaking in the thermal baths was and if there was anything else to do. um, no. well, except for the fabulous co-ed swimming pool. and looking at all of the naked old ladies and getting pruney. after the relaxing soak--mom was way overheated at this point because she kept going into the sauna--we crossed back into pest and wandered around. we came across this outdoor market and the Budapest Fringe Festival. some indie girl band was playing nearby as we ate our grilled sausage and potatoes. did i mention the weather was perfect this whole time? in the 60's and sunny. so we sat outside then headed into the famous cafe gerbeaud for some coffee and dessert. yeah, not so good. i would have taken one of my cupcakes any day, but it's all about ambience, right?

DAY 3: we're so over budapest. after stopping by the grocery store for a large bag of snacks--only five bucks--we got on the train for a 7.5 hour trainride to prague. that is 7.5 hours on a train with a car full of tourists. university of indiana alumni and longhorn tours texan tourists--no offense, emily ànd nam. chatty senior citizens to boot. and my ipod battery had died at this point. i survived, thanks to my snacks.

which brings us to prague. i LOVE prague. i had low expectations, because someone once told me it was overrated. silly me for listening to someone who, ahem, has been on my blacklist for years. ha ha.

okay, in the next issue you'll get to hear all about prague. where beer is cheaper than soda. we've got two more nights here before high-tailing it to vienna and then back to budapest.

And Then There Was Prague...
ahoj. (i believe that is the casual greeting in czech, kinda like ciao--either that or my mom is right and Lonely Planet is totally full of shit). i last left you in prague. um, yeah, i know, it was only yesterday. but i am sure you have been waiting with bated breath for my next travelogue. well, i am unsure when i will next be at a computer, and although i still cannot control this damn keyboard, here it is...

we arrived in prague in the evening to exactly what i had expected prague to be like: cold, rainy and dark. but beautiful. the architecture here is AMAZING. lots of cobblestone streets too. but definitely more hustle and bustle than budapest. which is good or bad depending on what you like. on the down side, there are exponentially more tourists. yes, i am part of the problem, but i like myself more than the countless packs of 20 or so italian and german teenagers. perhaps you¨d would beg to differ. hmmm...

yesterday we crossed the vltava river (the mud of which is said to have been used by the rabbi loew to form the golem, created to protect the poor and oppressed jews until it went out of control and had to be destroyed) that divides prague via the charles bridge, which has statues of saints all along. we climbed up the steep streets to prague castle--the largest castle in europe. the facade has been renovated several times and was not at all what i had expected. i was thinking medieval castle, not modern looking structure. but the inside was not so renovated. indoor jousting hall. NEATO.
we went up the south tower of the nearby church (can't think of the name right now). 287 steps did not sound like that many, but i was hurting by about 200 or so. okay, maybe by 175. it was worth it--great view of the city and the overflowing river. then we walked around through the Old Town square and the main shopping streets.

today we went to the old jewish ghetto (thx for the recommendation H and M) and the Mucha museum (great art deco graphic designer). then did some souvenir shopping and dinner at a nearby czech restaurant. eerily similar to hungarian food.

by the way, could someone explain to me why there are no stoplights in eastern europe? it¨s a bit of a pedestrian deathtrap. good thing i walk fast or i wouldn¨'t be here now emailing you all.

so we are leaving for vienna tomorrow morning. this will be our third country, as well as the third language and currency we have encountered. it really messes with the brain a little since there is only so much math i can do (another reason i was never a mathlete) and we leave once i learn about 5 words in the native tongue. but i have been to vienna previously so i am hoping it will be somewhat familiar...

Budapest, Prague, Vienna...Oh, My!
and so the eastern european tour is coming to a close, and thus, this is my final travelogue. (sniff, sniff.)

ah, vienna!

two words: cultural hangover.



i saw more museums, palaces and churches in 48 hours than i have in the past year. so much good stuff to see! and apparently i barely remembered anything from the last time i was here because some of the museums i went to looked totally different from what i had remembered them to look like before...

anyways, after two straight days of walking around looking at things, i was ready to have an art meltdown. there was also a brief moment when i was really angry at Mozart. let me explain. i was looking forward to going to the Albertina museum to see some Albrecht Dűrer drawings, and after a brief navigational struggle, i finally managed to find my way there, check my coat and bag, only to be told the permanent collection was closed until september while there was a big mozart exhibit going on. this normally wouldnt upset me quite so much if it werent for the fact that every 10 yards there is some person dressed up like mozart saying hello to me in japanese and trying to get me to buy tickets to a concert. and every store sells something with mozart on it. seriously. it is his 200th birthday this year, i believe. and really, he does deserve all of the props. i guess i was just being a hater.

a few more things of note for vienna:

the most expensive of the cities we visited. the dollar is not strong against the euro. i now know how candians feel when they come visit the states. they dont give Americans credit for things like Miracle Whip (like a Brit would think of fake mayo! hmph)

it is a good city for people with a sweet tooth. so much dessert, so little time. and now we are back in budapest and are flying back stateside tomorrow. the first thing i am going to do when i get home is change outfits. like five times. i am tired of what i have been wearing for the past ten days.

ARCHIVE: The Motherland (Winter 2005/6)

Travelogue 1: The Health Risks of Travel

Hello!
I have safely arrived in Taiwan. it was a rough 18 hour plane ride, involving multiple vomit episodes (Maddog), a bloody nose (Maddog), and a hacking cough (both me & Maddog). Yes, a walking public health disaster. I'm surprised they didn't quarantine us on the plane--although there were several people around us with face masks on. I didn't have the heart to tell them that a little piece of fabric over their mouths wouldn't make a big difference. Then again, I wouldn't even know how to say that in Chinese. The inflight movie selection was also lacking--I watched Wallace & Gromit about 5 times.

Day 1: I passed the thermal scans at the airport. Woo-hoo! We got into Taipei-proper and I saw three of my aunties, a few cousins and their kids. It's always a treat to see the family. That is, until a few of them mentioned that I had gained weight since the last time I saw them and one cousin pointed out that my ass was getting bigger, but I didn't need to go on a diet yet since each buttock was still smaller than my head. WTF?! I didn't realize that this was a standard of body weight measurement. Sigh. Then we went to dim sum for lunch. And I had to help my cousin's kids with their english homework. Am I supposed to correct a first grader's grammar? It just didn't seem right, especially since they aren't native speakers. After a five hour nap, Mom and I then strolled around the street markets at night and ate a bunch of food from the vendors. I really love that there is a 7-Eleven every half-block here.

Day 2: apparently I caught the Maddog-bug--or it was the fried chicken from the street market. Woke up at 6am (not bad for jet lag!) and proceeded to empty out the contents of my stomach. I haven't thrown up in a long time (except for that Margarita Incident of 2001). It was highly unpleasant and instead of some vigorous shopping as planned, I was bedridden today and watched some bad english movies and MTV China on cable. Boo. But tomorrow morning we are off to Singapore and 85 degree weather!

Travelogue #2: Singapore, or How I Avoided a Caning

Happy new year! I am back from a brief stint in Singapore. My only memory of visiting Singapore as a kid was that it was extremely clean and my older cousin told me that if one of my pigtail holders fell on the ground, the authorities would take me away.

I have lived with a fear of Singapore ever since.

Some background: Singapore means "lion city" in Sanskrit, named so when a Sumatran prince thought he saw a lion. There are no lions in singapore. It was a tiger. But the name stuck. The national symbol of singapore is the merlion (like a mermaid, but a lion). And you can essentially get fined $500 singapore dollars (which is about $350 USD) for spitting on the ground, littering, smoking where it is not designated, urinating on the street, etc. You can get caned if a man grabs a woman's ass (but not the other way around) or if you've got illegal drugs on you--then you'll totally get multiple beatings, if not a death sentence.

Needless to say, Singapore is extremely clean and well-manicured, and all of the people I encountered were super nice. There wasn't a ton to see, and it seems more like a giant shopping city. You'd think I'd be excited, but I was hoping to see some more interesting cultural sites. The main strip, Orchard Street, was just like one big Times Square for shoppers. And like Times Square, it too made me hyperventilate. However, I will say that Singapore would be the easiest Asian city for a westerner who fears anything foreign to visit. Everyone speaks english here (as well as Taiwanese and Mandarin, which is nice for me & my family) and practically every American chain restaurant is here--including Outback Steakhouse.

Our first full day we went on a TWELVE HOUR city tour. I am not sure how I agreed to this, and I reached meltdown stage around 4pm after we got out of the dolphin show with about 200 other tourists and then had to wait in line for the bus for over an hour in 85 degree weather. My jet lag was not kind. I actually had to leave the tour early (after the very lame aquarium). I spent the next day by the pool sunning myself until I mildly sunburnt the upper right quarter of my body. Don't ask. And the rest of the time was spent shopping and seeing some more sites, like the world's largest fountain, the Fountain of Wealth, and the accompanying laser light show.

And now we're back in Taipei and I spent way too much money at the dollar store here.

Good times.

Travelogue #3: Homeward Bound
Well, I am back stateside and more than happy to be home! But I know you were all waiting in anticipation for one last travelogue about my last week spent in Taiwan. And possibly wondering when the hell I was getting back. When I last left off I had gleefully spent about $60 at the dollar store.... the next day I got sick again. It appears that I have a problem with entry into Taiwan. The motherland is not kind to me. I was fine when I was in Singapore (probably out of fear that they would lock me up if I was sick), but then I came back into Taiwan and I got sick again. A different GI bug this time. I won't overshare, but I will say it wasn't pretty and I finally understand why the Dept. of Health asks on those foodborne outbreak questionnaires how many times someone went to the bathroom in a 24 hour period. But my aunt, who is not a doctor but is married to one, kept going down to their mini-pharmacy and giving me unlabeled meds to take. Unfortunately, none of them were narcotics, but something worked and I got better. Then the rest of the family arrived and we spent several days visiting more relatives, laying around, shopping and eating (I think I ate cake every day). It was all very tiring. We made our way back to Taipei and shopped and ate some more. Everything there is so damn cute. I mean, I could EASILY fully furnish my home with Hello Kitty stuff. That would be scary, but possible. I think I have filled my annual quota on knee-high socks and cute tchotchkes. (however, i would never turn down either if they were offered to me.)

As for my birthday, it was essentially spent shopping during the day (not bad), and then I had to accompany my mom to the wedding of her friend's son. Note: I have never met this man, nor his bride. Neither has my mother. So the evening of my birthday, I sat at a wedding banquet of someone I didn't know, with a bunch of my mom's friends for a 10 course seafood dinner. Um, in case you didn't know, I don't eat seafood. AND, they don't have wedding cake at chinese weddings. Boo! Luckily, when we got back, there was cake galore for me. They even lit a sparkler. A total firehazard, but cool all the same. And now after two straight weeks of chinese food (and the sporadic dysentery), I am ready to eat pizza, burgers and salads every day for a while (with some drinks thrown in there somewhere). Whew.

p.s. I called ahead for car service from Newark and our driver was Chinese and kept talking to us in chinese. I was so ready not to have to concentrate so hard to communicate with people once i got back to the States, but luckily he wasn't one of those chatty drivers and I managed to get home without having a meltdown or saying something totally offensive in chinese. My brain still hurts from that interaction a little, though. Talk to you all soon.